Awww… Who won’t feel good about all these cuteness?

 

Funny Stories by Real People

The following stories about real life people have been taken from the Reader’s Digest. These stories are small snippets about the funny moments that people often experience in life.

My Son’s #1 Concern

One day, I took my son to the doctor for a routine checkup.

The doctor said, “Hey little Timmy, why don’t you pee in this cup for me?”

Timmy then looked nervously at me and then at the doctor. He hesitantly took the cup. He then looked back over at the doctor with a look of fear.

“Will, I have to drink it?” Timmy asked with dread.

doctor-visit

The doctor and me looked at each other then smiled. Then the doctor, “No Timmy, you won’t have to drink it son. Just gargle with it for three times a day and spit it on your cat.”

“What?” Timmy replied with eyes wide open.

“Oh son, he’s just joking.” I said in a cheery tone. “Now pee in the cup.”

The Deadliest Job in WWII

I was given an assignment in high school by my social studies teacher. He wanted the class to ask a veteran about their experience in WWII. I decided to ask my dad. He fought in the Philippines. After asking some basic questions about combat, I asked him if he ever killed anybody.

He thought about what I had said for a moment then responded.

“Yes son, I probably did kill quite a few people. I was the cook. Get it?”

Needless to say, I never interviewed my father again about anything. What a dope.

Next!

Wearing my Husband’s Goggles

Hi, I’m a fairly attractive woman who is married to fool of a husband. Anyway, one night we had went out to a local gathering among the socialites where I live. While we were out mingling with the other party guests the host approached us. He spoke.

“My goodness, madam. You are such a beautiful woman. A jewel that sparkles in the night. I’m saying this from a sober mind. After all, I only had one beer tonight.”

The host’s compliment had me literally beaming. My goofball of a husband just laughed and said,

“Hey, if you think she is that fine with one bottle of beer, just imagine how she would look to you after chugging down a keg.”

The host and he started to laugh and so did everybody else in the immediate area who heard my husband’s wisecrack. My husband is officially a certified jerk.

goggles

Military Volunteer

Never, ever volunteer for anything when you’re in the army. One day my sergeant had asked if anyone had artistic ability. I said I did. He then gave the rest of my platoon a three-day pass and I had to stay behind and print all the soldier’s names on their underwear.

Art Reflects Life …Too Closely

I’m a speech therapist and I remember once working with a young student helping him to identify body parts and how to identify the “k” sound. I gave him some Play-Doh and had him sculpt some body parts that had the letter sound of k in it.

I looked at his artistic creation. “Is that a neck?” I asked.

“Nope, that’s your chin.” He responded. He then added more Play-Doh to the part he already made.

“Now, is it my neck?”

“No, it’s your other chin.”

Overheard at our Dinner

I once went on a lunch date with this girl who was not so bright.

Girl: Ugh. Why does this sandwich have bacon on it?

Me: You ordered a BLT.

Girl: I thought the B stood for bread.

Me: No, it actually stands for bye, bye.

I then got up and walked out of the diner. She had to pay the bill and I never spoke to her again.

Have you ever been insulted and complimented at the same time?

One time I was insulted and complimented by a co-worker on my job. It’s funny how people can sometimes do this in one breath.

He told me, “Wow Jane, you look so gorgeous, I hardly even recognized you.”

The Vietnam Tupperware Party

My husband and I ended up in the steaming hot jungles of Vietnam for his 21st birthday. He was having a miserable time until received a cake from his sister contained within a Tupperware casing. His sister left him a not and it read:

“Hey Dick, Happy Birthday and enjoy the cake. When you’re finished, mail back my container.”

Imagine the laughter from my husband when he read that! Well at least he stopped being miserable after that.

jungle